Page 13, I'm losing the will to live.

I got my treatment back. The news is not good.

I received a lowly 54. Far less than I expected. Far less than I thought I would ever get. I feel totally destroyed by this.

The main gist of the criticism seems to be that nothing much happens. I mean aside from the fact the tutor didn't like that I was setting it in America. Or that he didn't know what Photon was. Or that it was too long even though we were never given a length to aim for. Nothing of any consequence happened in the story.

Any good news? I apparently have a good grasp of 80s cliches and knowledge of John Hughes films. I mean, is that good? My work was cliched and plagiarised by the late JH?

I mean. OK there was some good news. He liked my last piece. Thought this piece, given how much he liked my last one, would be better. No that's not good news at all, not for this piece.

I worked so hard on it. I thought I had so much going on and had planned so many details. Given all the characters a through line and had good visual keys to show my characters emotions and thoughts. But no, too much focus on details apparently and not enough big things going on. I lost focus of my protagonist.

So reading through the notes he had written on the paper I find one comment, one I've used as the title for this post. It fucking killed me. It was that bad?

So maybe he's right. I was worried that perhaps there didn't seem to be an antagonist so to speak, not one anyway, there were certainly different antagonistic forces, but no villain.

But even if he is dead on the nose that just leaves me questioning how I got it so wrong? What kind of an idiot am I that I couldn't see this? Maybe I shouldn't be doing this at all.

I at least would like to think that it showed that I had put a lot of work in and I had achieved something with the script. I feel like I learned a lot on this one and am a better writer for it. My tutor thinks otherwise. I've gone backwards.

Added to that I didn't get my loan and might not be able to continue with the course and life is just dandy.